The Z Factor

*smooch* "hmmm... Goodnight hun" Karla turned on her side and went to sleep.

Fred folded his hands behind his head and smiled. He was truly blessed to have such a wonderful wife. 'She's beautiful, intelligent, an expert cook, and an excellent host, all I dreamed off' he thought, his heart filling with love for her.

He had fallen in love with her 10 years ago when he'd first met her at a party. He wooed her for a week before he went down on his knees and proposed to her at their favorite restaurant. She accepted him immediately and they were married a month later. He had a blissful decade with her. Smiling still, he closed his eyes to go to sleep.

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

He woke up with a start.

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

"what the?"

The snoring was getting louder and louder. Fred couldn't believe himself! 'Karla??!!! snoring??!!' he was aghast! In these 10 years he never once heard her snore. It was getting unbearable. He couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned. 'I love her, I should get used to this..get used to this' he thought gritting his teeth with annoyance. He spent a sleepless night.

He contemplated confronting her about this new habit she'd developed but decided against it. He couldn't bring himself to embarrass her. Groggy and disoriented, he kissed her goodbye and left to office.

That night Fred was awake. She was doing it again.

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

This went on for a week until one day Fred couldn't take it anymore. He began to withdraw. He couldn't get himself to kiss her or say sweet things like he usually did. He looked at her like he was looking at a piece of pooh. Poor Karla couldn't understand why her beloved husband wasn't giving her any attention anymore. The way he looked at her she felt like a piece of pooh .

'Something is definitely wrong', she thought as she fed her pet dog Peter the pitbull. Peter gobbled his food as his mistress drowned in her sorrows.

Fred came home drunk that night. He looked terrible. He had bags and dark circles under his eyes. He threw the divorce papers on the table.

"I can't take it anymore. I need a divorce. Just don't say anything. Sign the papers."

"But why?" Karla's eyes filled with tears.

"Why??? you are asking me why?? Well, hear me loud and clear! Your snoring is wrecking my life. I thought I can get used to it, but I can't, I can't do this all our life. Sorry, but you have to go."

"But.." Fred raised his hand and silenced her.

"Shhhhh! Just sign the papers. Don't speak a word." saying he left the room.

The next morning, he found her gone, with their pet dog Peter. The papers were signed. He slept like a log that night!

After their divorce proceedings were through, he asked her if he could take back Peter. He had gifted her the dog for her birthday two months ago. Peter was 8 years old and Fred was his second owner. Karla dropped Peter at Fred's that evening along with all his doggie stuff.

Before she left, she turned back and said, "I love you Fred, I still do..but if you ever want me back.. well.. sorry.. I won't come back."

After she left, Fred showed her the finger. "She was a good wife, but heck! Can't take that freaking snoring!" he said aloud. Peter was gobbling at his food in the corner as his master rejoiced.

Fred went to bed. 'I need to start dating soon and find someone who doesn't snore..yeah..I better make sure she doesn't.' smirking he closed his eyes.

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

Peter the pet pitbull snored happily from under his master's bed.

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Copyright © 2007 Jyothi Samarthi

All rights reserved.
Illustration: Self