Breaking Free

Better late than never. It's about time the shackles were broken. It's time to test the waters. One fleeting glance back tugged at my heart strings. Doleful eyes brimming with tears nearly stopped me in my tracks. But a covetous strategy egged me on.. the chains were broken, freedom set forth on a unstoppable journey.. the journey with no destination or maybe some.. the truth lies in the dark, uncovered only to emerge to shine light when the time's right.

Heard the song again, the one that set my heart beating a miraculous million beats per second, this time around, there were no palpitations, no nervousness, no fluttering, no melancholic pangs. Something has been set free, I continue on my journey... to uncover the light

Psychobabble

One minute you are here, another you are there. Free-falling through the twisted colons of sinister life, although the fall is not free. Bumpy ride gets you somewhere, don't know where?!? That's how sinister life is. Keeps you guessing. Keeps you on your toes. Makes your heart run a marathon, leaving you breathless. You are in a dark room with just one door. Light on the other side, shadows underneath. Makes the hair on your nape stand up straight. Standing on the edge of a mountain, feeling the gush of the wind through your hair, whispering softly in your ear..to jump. You look down, your insides turn mushy, your feet get sweaty. Life tempts you, cajoles, begs, pushes. But you take a step back, turn and walk away. You are afraid. There is no bed of roses waiting for you at the bottom. Devil befriends you disguised like an angel. You look into his eyes and see the fire, but you don't see the masquerade, the faint peel of the mask. You chose to ignore, because you are a gullible child. You wait till his hot poker sticks out your chest, you gasp in pain but still smile. You think it was all a mistake. You live through it, but the hole remains as a sore remainder of your naiive trust. When will you learn? You pluck a green leaf off of a tree and turn it over. You see the beautiful green veins and understand the true meaning of life. Turn over a new leaf everyday and you learn that fear and anger can no longer touch you. Just be happy or in love.....

All you need to know about the Aries Enticer

One beautiful Thursday evening, 19th April 1979 to be precise, a 9 pound fat babygirl kicked her way out her mother's stomach. This [ram]bunctious little chica born under the sun sign Aries is the epitome of girlpower! She was always fighting,.... for that extra idli, her nephew's broken toy, her cousin sister's stiletto shoes, 2 rupees to buy Sundal from a roadside vendor, for more attention. She just can't have enough..more...more...MORE..she yells! Father always wondered, "What is she going to be when she grows up? WWF Chyna?

When Linda Goodman started writing her bestseller on Sun Signs she must have had Jo in mind, because she described her Arian traits to the T. Here's what she had to say to her:

"Jo, When Byron wrote that 'Man's love is of Man's life a thing apart;'tis woman's whole existence', obviously the poor man forgot about you. You can live without a man, can't you? Love maybe your whole existence but not the beginning and end of your life. But ofcourse darling, getting along without a man is not the same as getting along without romance. You always need the hero of your dreams to yearn for you in his heart. I know, no matter where he is, near or faraway, you'll think about him in an April rain. You detest lovestruck puppies and worshiping slaves. You need a man who will keep you guessing, who will resist your impact. You will chase such a man into a corner and leave no stones unturned in finding out why your charm isn't overwhelming him. It's your Mars ego dearie, to prove you are desirable, even when you have no lasting interest in him. Like the Great Scarlett O'Hara, you will gather every available male for a hundred miles around your feet, while your willful heart yearns for that one man you can't have for one reason or the other. Blimey! you love flattery woman! Not the flowery, sugary kind but one with a honest base. But honey, the prince you are looking for only exists in fairy tales. Isn't that why your days are bright and full of excitement and your nights are sometimes dark and full of longing? Yet, when your defeated dreams become smoldering ashes - just as you think the flame is dying, you leap up to build another fire! Your love, like your speech and action is direct. That's why you baffle men with your sudden proclamations and direct proposals. Taking the first step in everything comes so easy for you. And that is why jumping the gun always leads you into trouble. I know you child..you'll demand a lot but will give back in double measure. But your stinginess in love is alarmingly dangerous when it comes to what is yours. I know how possessive you can get! What is yours is yours and very little can set off a jealous explosion! When your Aries heart is hurt, you turn from fire to ice. Your ice can be eternal. Injuring your pride and dampening your enthusiasm will break your heart and people are constantly doing that to you. But keep this in mind girl, you do not, I repeat YOU DO NOT run this Universe. And one day when you discover that, people will see you for who you are, defense-less and vulnerable in the extreme, for all your outer confidence. Your Aries idealism and optimistic faith in human nature is often dashed to bits by reality. You will waste little time on changing any situation that brings unhappiness by casanovas who stop paying attention, nip them in the bud. I know how unreasonably temperamental you are and how you like to create violent scenes! Men beware! She bruises easily inspite of her bright brave smile (that's her shield against hurt). So if you can turn the Ram into a Lamb, you'll have a woman who is honest, passionate, loyal and exciting - though she maybe a little impulsive, bossy and independent. Well you can't have everything you know. If you believe in her just half as much as she believes in you, you could make some miracles together."

"But aren't you going to run and help her?" Alice asked...
"No use, no use" said the King.
"She runs so fearfully quick,
you might as well try to catch a bandersnatch"

Love,
Linda
Source: Linda Goodman's SunSigns

Words

~WORDS~

Those words, those benign string of alphabets
how they spring forth emotions
of happiness, of grief, of upsets
How they toy, with slow deliberation,
with dubious hearts, making them outlets
of raw, unabashed excitation

How they lift you up and put you down
when juxtaposed with a tinge of sadism
How they leave you hanging on to each one
until they dissolve into nothingness and leave you feeling lonesome
But then there are words uttered with intended pun
How they make you wonder the truth behind them
and leave you feeling bothersome

And those words, those glib talks
thrown in your face so carelessly
spurring deep inside a feeling of faux
and you try to pry it's true identity mercilessly
because you think truths were once lies,
but dig deep, deeper and you will uncover a paradox

Of many errors you make, you stereotype
words spoken many a times by many a mortal
you fail to understand that you are creating a hype
for each to his own, his words are his portal
into your life, his purpose, is of a different type
so open your doors to him and you can tell

Those words, those benign string of alphabets
how they steal a place in your heart
How they clutter your brain and flutter in your heart's closet
Those words..... trust them, so they don't tear you apart!


(c) Copyrights 2007 Jyothi Samarthi
All rights reserved.

Ice is Thin

~For my best friend~

How fragile.... relationships are.. you never know until you've had one. If we were robots we'd function without emotions the way we were programmed to, but alas! It's not that easy! Two really rascally demons called the mind and the heart are forever fighting with each other and that is what makes us human. From time immemorial, the realms of love and happiness have been harped about by people who have absolutely no idea what they mean. No two persons can undergo the same emotion. There are several different ways of dealing with it and one person's point of view may not agree with the other. Why I am saying this? Because what I am about to convey, is not for you, so don't blame me if you screw your existing relationship after reading this! Solutions online are not tailor-made for your problems. Why I am writing this then? Well, you are not human if atleast once in your lifetime you don't feel this incessant urge to scribble your bit about love and happiness.. he he. What are blogs for anyways, If not for blabber-heads like me? ;)

So you are a man or a woman or both, you are in love, you suckers are walking on thin ice! Yes sirree! How dare you think that you can be happy forever?!! You decide to do a little tap dance because you are so happy, the freaking ice is going to break under your feet moron! And then you drop into the freezing water... feeling numb from cold or fear you don't know, drowning in water or sorrow, you don't know..scary huh? Sure is!

The conventionally superstitious fools blame it on the "Evil Eye".. such mad-rush these fools are in, they forget it's their own doing. No matter how many "Evil eyes" are floating around, following your every gasp of happiness or cry of ecstasy, it's still your own doing Bozo! As if it's not enough that your lazy, fat, middle finger is busy digging your nose for dried up boogers, you had to! I mean... HAD to put it through the tiny little hole in your pocket and tear the whole thing apart! Curious little critter, aren't you? You damn very well know there is nothing beyond that hole, but had to damage it anyway because you are so dumb! Alright, so you did that, over and done with. Now just be a little patient and try to sew those pieces together.

Wondering where the heck love and happiness figures in the above? My my! Aren't we clever! Ok, coming back, being in love or being too happy does feel like you are walking on thin ice, in laywoman terms:


1) If a guys loves you, shut your gob and let him.
2) If he really loves you, he will go all the way, no matter what, so still shut your gob and trust him.
3) If you are under the evil curse of the killer pms, shut your gob.
4) If you are such a smartypant, keep them on and don't read between his lines. Most of the time, his thinking happens in his brain only and not between his legs!
5) And finally, when he is talking, shut your gob and listen!!!

If you don't.. the ice is thin...

In layman terms:

1) If you love a woman, love her all the way.. including her highs and lows.
2) If you make promises, keep them.
3) If you've helped her build a dream castle, stay with her until you've both completed it.
4) If you are the reason, she is happy, make sure she stays happy all her life, so stay with her.
5) If she is under the evil curse of the killer pms, shut her gob up or if she's running her mouth don't listen to her.
6) If she cries, hug her.
7) If she emotionally blackmails you, understand that she doesn't mean it, she is just afraid of losing you.
8) If you don't like what she is doing, tell her to stop doing it. Trust me..she will.
9) Finally, all she needs is a little love, understanding and attention and ofcourse COMMITMENT! Give it to her and she will shut her gob!

If you don't.. the ice is thin...

In laylover's terms:

1)If you both are at the top of the mountain, don't push the other over the edge, the drop could be fatal. Instead, hold on to each other and stay safe.
2)If you have erred, take one step backward and take a giant leap forward! You may just end up crossing over the thin ice.
3)Do it together..do it for love and happiness... do it because life is too freaking short to give up so soon.
4)Patience is virtue, cowardice is vice.
5)L & H means the world to someone as do you.

If you don't, the ice is still thin...

Love,
Jo

Dedicated to all love-sick fools who are still struggling to make it to the other side.

In Front of your eyes

~For my Father without whom I am a nobody~

In front of your eyes,

This tiny bud bloomed into a flower
This ugly little duckling turned into a beautiful swan
This little fish braved the great seas
This little ant survived the floods
This little bird learned to fly
This little monkey let go to fall free among the tree branches
This little cub wandered far to learn the great ways of life
This baby elephant raced ahead of you bravely into the crocodile infested waters
This little phoenix is burning...daddy.. I need your hand, let me hold it tight, help me ....

Dearest,

Don't cry my little one
I was right behind you every time watching over you
And I am with you right now
Hold my hand,
Don't cry, your tears will only smolder the ashes
Let it burn, let the fire rage within you
Let not the fire sting you but fill you with strength
Let not the miseries of this world bog you down
Fight it like you are fighting your fire
Let not your own words, feelings and emotions poison you from within
Kill them with that fire
I am here my dearest, I will not let you destroy yourself
Here, Hold my hand and rise from the ashes

And thus this little phoenix conquered the fire and rose from the ashes again and again and again and yet again..

Image courtesy: Google images
(C) Copyrights 2007 Jo Samarthi

Death was unintended

Inspired by the King of Horror, Stephen King, I am rendering my own work of fiction . I was always fascinated by the supernatural. So here goes..this is going to be terribly long as I didn't want to end it with to-be-continueds especially a suspense thriller like this one, so read the caution and proceed.

Caution: This story contains horror , gruesome details, strong language and is intended for mature audience only.

"Why don't you join us? It's not everytime Fat-ass leaves us in peace" Ronnie was holding up his fingers in the air showing the inverted comma sign as if to stress 'fat-ass'. Roger knew who he was talking about. Their boss Mr. Samson was a tyrant. There wasn't a single employee in the restaurant, where he worked, who liked him. He was a foul-mouthed, obese, ruddy man whom even the good ones like Rita called Mr. Fat-ass when he was not around, not that he would even know she used 'Mr'. Word was that Mr. Samson was bi-sexual. Roger wouldn't have cared, if he hadn't noticed the way Mr.Samson stared at his crotch openly. Roger was disgusted, but kept about his business. He was new to town and although the order-taker job wasn't too satisfying, it was enough to make ends meet. Afterall there was only one mouth to feed.. his own. So he threw caution to the wind and continued to work there. "You coming man? Fat-ass won't be back until noon tomorrow. The boys are hitting the bar for some drinks and gossip. He wont be around to lash at us if we show up late tomorrow. What say?" Ronnie asked again. Roger was never interested in gossiping or drinking so he politely declined Ronnie's invitation and walked out. He preferred the gazebo outside the church close to his workplace where he spent most of his free time. He was 55, a loner and an introvert. Socialising was never his cup of tea. Almost all his life was spent trouble-free and people-free. He preferred it that way. "I want to die painlessly and peacefully" he would say to himself sometimes. He feared death. Always had. He feared not just death but the horror associated with it. As a child, he grew up believing that his room was filled with creatures lurking in closets, under the bed and behind closed doors waiting to pounce on him. This fear was instilled in him by his neighbour, Matt, who was an old man and his only friend. Matt would tell him gruesome stories of children eaten up by toothy monsters which live under beds and in closets. Roger always curled up in his bed and preferred to sleep with the lights turned on. He wanted to sleep in his parent's bedroom, but they would hear nothing of that sort. "You are a big boy Roger. There are no monsters under your bed. Now go to sleep" his father would retort to Roger's pleading. Although he lived alone all his life, he lived it in fear. Inspite of this yellow streak in him, he detested sharing his tiny shack with anyone. When he moved in, he even refrained from all the niceties and pretty much kept to himself. Nosy neighbours was the last thing he wanted although they lived quite far away. His shack was the only one on that long stretch. For $50 a month, that was the best he could afford. 'This place needs to be fumigated' was the first thought that crossed his mind when the landlady showed him around. The place crawled with insects. Roger spent close to an hour at the gazebo revelling in reminiscing thoughts. Then he bought groceries in a store and walked back home. Just as he turned the corner, the street lights went out. "Damn!" he cursed aloud. He hated the dark. He stayed put until his eyes adjusted to the darkness. But all of a sudden, he heard the vrrr of a vehicle and a light from behind him illuminated the road. An old beat-up convertible pulled up beside him, which he instantly recognised as Mr.Samson's. "Hey there Roger. Everything ok?" "Mr.Sam-son, I.., you are back. Yes I am fine. The power went out. My shack is over t-there." Roger was dumbfounded. 'what is this man doing here when he was supposed to be out of town?' he thought. 'Surely he has no business on this road. It's a cul-de-sac, besides the fact that there are no other houses around' Roger frowned. "I know, I have something to discuss with you, a business proposal. I came back this evening. Do you want a ride?" Samson unlocked the car door on Roger's side. "B-business with me? Mr. Samson..I don't.." "Just get in Roger, we'll discuss this at your shack." Samson cut him. Roger wanted this over with and besides he knew he won't be able to make it to his shack on his own in this darkness so he silently nodded and got into the passenger seat of the car. Within seconds they pulled up outside the shack and got out. During the short ride Samson had been silent and Roger was grateful for that. Roger wasn't going to give any excuses for his tiny shack. Infact he secretly wished that Samson would be disgusted by the looks of it and would leave. "Aren't you going to invite me inside? It's cold out here, unless you want to discuss business with me under the moonlight?" Samson winked at Roger and gave him one of his best smiles. Roger wasn't quick-witted enough to read between the lines. With a silent grunt he opened the door for Samson. Just then the power came back on and he was relieved that he dint have to look for candles in the dark. Samson seated himself on the bed, his emormous belly spilling over his jean and peeking from under his t-shirt which was a size too small. Roger just stood there looking around. "Do you have something to drink? I am sapped. It was a long ride back." Samson asked. "Just orange juice. I don't drink." Roger replied. Samson nodded his approval and Roger turned to walk towards the refrigerator to fetch him the juice . He felt Samson's eyes boring into his back. He did not like that. He looked around for a defensive tool and his eyes fell on the pick-axe he used to chop wood for his fireplace. 'No I won't kill him. Maybe just scare him a bit, that is if he tries any tricks' He thought to himself. Making a mental note of the distance between the axe and the bed, Roger came back and handed Samson his juice. "You are a handsome man Roger. I heard you never married. Prefer the crack do you?" Samson winked. "Err.. I don't know what you are talking about Mr.Samson. You wanted to discuss something?" "Ok! I'll come straight to the point." Samson stood up and walked towards Roger. "You should know by now, that I swing both ways, but lately my preferences have leaned towards beautiful men like you." Samson began circling Roger as he spoke. Roger had his eyes on the pick-axe, he did not like where this was leading. "That blonde bitch, who I had been fucking all summer, rubbed me up the wrong way. And guess what happened to her?" He continued without waiting for an answer, "I got someone to plant drugs on her and got the cops feeling her up. That fucking bitch is doing time and deteriorating behind the bars. I have connections my dear Roger. Serves her right for screwing behind my back. Enough of dumb boobies. I want some muscle, some real tight ones." he flashed his teeth in a smile. Roger grimaced. "W-what does it have to do with me Mr.S-Sam.." "Hear me out first" Samson spat out. He looked menacing now, his jowls quivering with excitement, he looked like a ferocious boxer dog. " I want you, I want you to be my partner in business and bed, the partnership in business is complimentary to the services you will be providing me in bed." So saying, Samson snaked his hand out and grabbed Roger between his legs. "NO! Take your filthy hands off me!" Pushing Samson's hand away Roger backed towards the pick-axe. Taking it in his hands, he raised it in self-defense. "Don't you dare come close to me you freaking filthy bastard!" "Calm down Roger, you don't know who you are dealing with. Put that axe down and lets talk." Samson proceeded to walk towards Roger. "No! Stay where you are or else.." Roger in a bid to scare Samson took two steps in front and inadvertently tripped on his shoelaces and fell forward. Just as he fell, the axe in his hand landed on top of Samson's head, the base of the axe still in Roger's hand. Everything happened so quick, neither had the time to react. Samson screamed on impact and Roger screamed with him. Blood spurted from where the axe lodged itself in the center of Samson's head. Roger let go of the axe and Samson staggered and fell backwards. Roger felt his head reeling and bile rising up in his throat. He threw up right there and watched in horror as Samson's body convulsed for sometime and went still. "This can't be happening... this can't be happening to me" He crouched down and cried. His whole life had crumbled before him in a short span of time. "I don't want to go to jail, oh God! please help me." He wailed. Outside the owl hooted, the town slept unaware. Roger knew he could not carry this burly man's body all by himself. He had no intentions of calling the police even. He had to somehow dispose off the body and leave town before someone finds out. He had no other option than to cut up the body into pieces and stuff it into a garbage bag and dump it somewhere. Cursing aloud, he pulled the axe out of Samson's head and it came out with a dull squishy sound. Roger groaned. He was not ready for what needed to be done. "But I have to, Sorry Mr.Samson, I didn't mean to kill you. It was a mistake. Please don't come back and haunt me." He spoke aloud addressing the dead body. No sooner had he finished uttering the words, he heard a sound. It sounded like scratching and seemed to be coming from the corner near his bed. The hair on the nape of his neck stood up. He tried to listen intently but the sound stopped. "I hope it is not you Mr.Samson. I have a very weak heart. I'm now going to cut you up. I promise you it will be quick and painless. Oh! you can't feel the pain, you are dead already." Roger was amused for a split second at what he just said. 'I must be going mad, there is a man dead in my house and I am joking, I must be going mad' he thought. Roger was in shock. He looked at the turgid corpse and frowned. "This is going to be messy" he thought aloud. Raising the axe, he brought it down with full force and chopped Mr. Samson's head off. Blood sprayed everywhere. At that very moment, he remenisced about his butcher days and thought 'chopping chickens were better'. After the chopping ordeal was over, he threw up until he had no bile left. He checked the time. 3.oo AM. He needed sleep. He pushed the garbage bags filled with parts of Mr.Samson under his bed and wiped the floor clean leaving no traces of blood. He decided to dump him tomorrow. No one ever visits, no one will ever know. "I have to put my dithering mind to rest Mr.Samson, I will decide tomorrow what I want to do with you. Goodnight ...err.. Fat-Ass!" 'I am mad' Roger closed his eyes. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The sound was coming from under his bed. Something was moving underneath it. He felt something bumping the woodboard from under. Roger was scared. He had never been this scared in his whole life. This time, he heard a rustle, like something was letting itself free from the garbage bag. Roger tried to curl up on his bed. He would not let any part of him hang out lest this thing under his bed reached up for him. He felt his heart palpitate, he was sweating profusely. "Scratch scratch" .. it was unmistakebly nails being raked against the floor boards. this thing had nails even. Roger felt fear enveloping him. He was finding it difficult to breath. He heard moaning and realised it was coming from his throat. He heard more sounds coming from the foot of his bed. He kept his eyes shut tightly and tried to curl up into a feotus. The sounds were drawing closer. In his mind's eye, he saw Samson's severed arm making its way up by crawling up the foot of the bed. The nails unnaturally long and pointed, the skin black and festered with gaping holes revealing tender, red blood flesh inside. His heart constricted at the thought. The severed arm was now near his foot. He felt it graze against his big toe. The palpitations increased, his breathing was labored and he felt a piercing pain in his heart. He felt something sharp piercing his big toe. 'Fat-ass is taking revenge' was his last thought before death came. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After nibbling at the dead man's big toe some more the large rat jumped off the bed and scurried into its hole near the corner of the bed. The sleepy town woke up to just another day. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The deadmen were found after two days by Ronnie who went to check in on Roger because he failed to report for work. According to the autopsy reports, Roger died of a heart-attack. Death was unintended... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Copyright © 2006 Jyothi Samarthi All rights reserved. Illustration : Jo Samarthi

Abyssal Hollow

Note: This is a dark,sinister brooding poem, don't read it if you are happy :P ok..author was not unhappy writing it..she just likes to toy with words..come on! like she has to write happy stuff all the time! So shut up and read!

My musings on a rainy sunday evening...

I turned the pages.. ruminating on the many faceless apparitions..
some archaic.. some predominant..
They were faceless..yet their eyes bore into me
stripping me naked of cause..

They smelled me...they took a deep breath and filled themselves with my aroma..
a potpourri of love, lust, want, desire, need..
they all mean the same,
yet they were different..

Some kissed my lips...sucked my soul.. some kissed the tears away..
some bit me until they drew blood..
I flinched.. I cried..
I wailed in unremitting pain..

They clawed me with their barbarous talons dipped in acids
so my marks remained.. reminding me everyday... my usage , my role in their pleasure..not mine.. never mine..
I wish I can cross the rubicon...

They fooled me with their powers..subservient I am to become.. drowning my obsequious self in their words, in their promises, in their complaisance..
It was a ruse masquerading as a gallant inveigle..
I fell prey to the adulation...

My innards were turned to slush, my heart minced..
my soul battered.. my body drained..
filling themselves to the brim, the entities left one by one..
I wished them away..

Now I am just a hole...An Abyssal Hollow..
I closed the book..for it had blank pages ever since..

Copyright © 2006 Jyothi Samarthi
All rights reserved.
Picture Courtesy: Google Images

Still Believing in What I believed was Unbelievable

~Jodi the Fairy~

Deep in the forest, in Faraway land, Jodi the Fairy flitted about
darting from flower to flower ,soft-landing on petals
leaving a trail of fairy dust and sticking out her pout
at fist-weaving goblins whose flowery homes she muddled
Snickering at their angry green cheeks and stealthy as a stumble bug,
She flew around the big red mushroom and sneaked in on Barry the elf
Booed in his ears and startled him out of a sleep so snug
"Jodi, you mischief-maker! What do you think of yourself?"
Shouted a groggy and woozy Mr.Barry
Jiggling his heavy bottom and muttering under his breath
He picked up a pebble and threw it at Jodi the fairy
Ducking the pebble ,she laughed at his fret
Hovering in mid-air she waved her wand
Out came a cloud of fairy dust
that spread over every nook and corner of faraway land
"Happy dust for you my lovables"
said Jodi "To keep you happy and smiling always.
I'd be around everyday to muddle and to startle
to wave my pretty wand and to spray
Happy dust and love to keep all your worries at bay"

-Jo(di) Samarthi

As a child, I was always fascinated by fairies and goblins and wished with all my childish-heart that they really existed and that there indeed was a faraway land. I was introduced to their make-believe world through the works of Enid Blyton and read and re-read her works to dwell in my Utopian world. This fascination had carried forward to my adulthood and this past week, I was dreaming of fairies, magic and fairy dust. If there ever is a Faraway land, I wish to a be Fairy, to fly high in the sky, to smile and laugh and make mischief, make magic , make love, dip in dew and sip honey, flutter among exotica and slide on vines..

I want to believe in what I believe is unbelievable.....

Illustration: Jo
Copyright © 2007 Jyothi Samarthi
All rights reserved.

The Teacher Creature

It was his first day in his new school. Dad assured him everything was going to be alright when he dropped Alan. But Alan knew. This school made him feel uneasy. He was reluctant to take a step forward. He stood there looking up at the old dilapidated building. 'But..but.. the building was new couple of minutes ago..what happened to it?' Alan mused. Then he noticed that he was all alone, the usual hustle and bustle was missing.

A gentle wind began to blow, throwing Alan's long hair in his face. Between the strands he noticed a figure in the distance close to the building. It was tiny. The figure was waving at him. Then more figures joined the tiny figure and they seemed to be beckoning him. Pushing the strands of hair from his face, Alan saw that they were boys, probably his age. A sigh of relief escaped his lips, when all of a sudden he felt something sharp pressing into his back. Jolting in pain, Alan jumped and turned around to see what caused him the pain and he stood facing the one who was going to turn his life into a nightmare.

"I'm Mrs.Morris, the Math teacher and you should be in your class boy, what are you doing standing here all by yourself? What is your name?" she bellowed.

Alan noticed Mrs.Morris's nails. They looked like red talons. He figured she was using those to press into his back and startle him. She looked like an overgrown frog. 'Ugly..yuck!' he thought. He instantly hated her.

"Your name boy! Are you deaf? or rude?" She asked again grimacing her face until her eyes were slits.

"Alan, sorry Mrs.Morris, my name is Alan" so saying he turned to look for those boys who waved at him but they were gone. The place looked deserted again. And he turned around and Mrs. Morris was gone too. A cold wind cut through the morning like a knife. Pulling the collar of his sweater up to his ears, he slowly began to walk towards the school building.

The closer he got, colder he felt. He couldn't shake off the uneasy feeling that grappled him like a stubborn gargoyle.

He opened the big wooden door of the building and stepped into an empty room with two tunnel-like corridors, one facing the other. The walls of the room were adorned with pictures of school teams and alumni. Without much thought Alan chose to take the right corridor. As he walked in, he found several doors with no signboards over it.

'Why am I even here! I should have cried and fussed. Dad would have let me stay home' Alan thought aloud. Fear was a factor in Alan's life. Fear of the unknown, expectations and now this fear was gnawing him from inside as he walked further down the corridor.

'Click-click' a faint noise.

Alan became alert. 'Click-click' he heard it again this time louder from the end of the corridor. Then he heard something that turned his insides around and froze his blood. The screech sounded nothing human. It was deathly and it was followed by the 'click-click' noise. Alan stopped in his tracks and watched as the owner of the sound made its appearance.

It was a grotesque Mrs. Morris who had turned slimy green with tentacles sticking out of her overgrown head. Her eyes were a sinister green and blinked vertical instead of horizontal. The horrible 'click-click' noise was coming from her mouth which had lips that looked like a frog's, bulbous and purple. Alan caught sight of her teeth which looked like the teeth of a saw and as she brought her lower jaw up to meet her upper, her teeth clicked hideously making that 'click-click' noise which Alan began to hate.

Rooted to his spot in fear, Alan failed to notice the Teacher Creacher dragging its heavy throbbing body towards him. "Mrs. Morbid!" he screamed as the creacher got closer. 'Morbid' was the only word echoing in his mind at that time. Just as the tentacles inched closer towards his face, Alan broke into a run towards the room where he came from. But there was no time. One of the doors on his side was slightly ajar. Alan ran into it just to lose sight of the horrible thing and locked himself in.

"Alan! Oh Alan!" growled the thing that was his teacher. "Come out now, wherever you are!" Mrs.Morbid snaked out her forked, slimy tongue licking her chapped, purple bulbous lips. Her razor sharp teeth was making this 'click-click' noise that made the hair on Alan's nape stand up like picket fences.

The room felt cold and dismal. There was nothing around him except an old wooden stool, some broken baseball bats and a punctured basketball. Alan wanted to cry for his mommie. But he couldn't, rather he shouldn't. Didn't his dad tell him the other night that he was now a big boy? He had two digits for an age.. a one and a zero! He was 10 years old! He puffed his chest at that thought. If only he could find the others. Or were they already dead? Did the teacher creature get to them ?

"THUD" the door to the room lay in a heap on the floor. The teacher creacher stood silhouetted under the doorframe blocking the only escape route. Alan opened his mouth to scream and "pchtuck" a tentacle cut his scream and went down his throat.

Alan struggled and choked and opened his eyes to see the world for the last time and...

....blinking Alan looked around. He was in his own room, in his bed and he had his hand in his mouth. He was going to start school tomorrow...

Illustration: Jo
Copyright © 2007 Jyothi Samarthi
All rights reserved.

The Z Factor

*smooch* "hmmm... Goodnight hun" Karla turned on her side and went to sleep.

Fred folded his hands behind his head and smiled. He was truly blessed to have such a wonderful wife. 'She's beautiful, intelligent, an expert cook, and an excellent host, all I dreamed off' he thought, his heart filling with love for her.

He had fallen in love with her 10 years ago when he'd first met her at a party. He wooed her for a week before he went down on his knees and proposed to her at their favorite restaurant. She accepted him immediately and they were married a month later. He had a blissful decade with her. Smiling still, he closed his eyes to go to sleep.

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

He woke up with a start.

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

"what the?"

The snoring was getting louder and louder. Fred couldn't believe himself! 'Karla??!!! snoring??!!' he was aghast! In these 10 years he never once heard her snore. It was getting unbearable. He couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned. 'I love her, I should get used to this..get used to this' he thought gritting his teeth with annoyance. He spent a sleepless night.

He contemplated confronting her about this new habit she'd developed but decided against it. He couldn't bring himself to embarrass her. Groggy and disoriented, he kissed her goodbye and left to office.

That night Fred was awake. She was doing it again.

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

This went on for a week until one day Fred couldn't take it anymore. He began to withdraw. He couldn't get himself to kiss her or say sweet things like he usually did. He looked at her like he was looking at a piece of pooh. Poor Karla couldn't understand why her beloved husband wasn't giving her any attention anymore. The way he looked at her she felt like a piece of pooh .

'Something is definitely wrong', she thought as she fed her pet dog Peter the pitbull. Peter gobbled his food as his mistress drowned in her sorrows.

Fred came home drunk that night. He looked terrible. He had bags and dark circles under his eyes. He threw the divorce papers on the table.

"I can't take it anymore. I need a divorce. Just don't say anything. Sign the papers."

"But why?" Karla's eyes filled with tears.

"Why??? you are asking me why?? Well, hear me loud and clear! Your snoring is wrecking my life. I thought I can get used to it, but I can't, I can't do this all our life. Sorry, but you have to go."

"But.." Fred raised his hand and silenced her.

"Shhhhh! Just sign the papers. Don't speak a word." saying he left the room.

The next morning, he found her gone, with their pet dog Peter. The papers were signed. He slept like a log that night!

After their divorce proceedings were through, he asked her if he could take back Peter. He had gifted her the dog for her birthday two months ago. Peter was 8 years old and Fred was his second owner. Karla dropped Peter at Fred's that evening along with all his doggie stuff.

Before she left, she turned back and said, "I love you Fred, I still do..but if you ever want me back.. well.. sorry.. I won't come back."

After she left, Fred showed her the finger. "She was a good wife, but heck! Can't take that freaking snoring!" he said aloud. Peter was gobbling at his food in the corner as his master rejoiced.

Fred went to bed. 'I need to start dating soon and find someone who doesn't snore..yeah..I better make sure she doesn't.' smirking he closed his eyes.

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

Peter the pet pitbull snored happily from under his master's bed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Copyright © 2007 Jyothi Samarthi

All rights reserved.
Illustration: Self

Driven by need - On the side of the Devil

"I can't believe this! I actually got myself a job!" a jubilant Prema announced.

"What do you mean you got yourself a job?" asked a confused Neera.

"On yahoo chat! I chatted with this guy, his name is Sanjay Bhora. He said he runs an office at Creamtons road and wants an administrator. He said I would be perfect for the job and he asked me to come by his office early tomorrow for an interview. And he also said, the interview was just a formality and the job is mine! YAYYYYY!!"

"Wow! that is soo cool girl! I am happy for you. Damn! you are lucky. I still haven't found anything yet." Neera shook hands with Prema and gave her a hug.

19 yr old Prema couldn't believe her luck. Fresh out of college and she already has a job. Oh! how proud her parents are going to be when they find out. She planned to surprise them with her appointment letter. Until then it was going to be hard for her to keep it a secret.

'I'll work for a year, save all the money I earn, get married to a nice man and have children.' She thought. 'So if I am married by 20, I can wait for 5 years before I have children, isn't that what Sushma akka did? She had so much fun alone with her husband before they decided to have children. So I'll do that.' She blushed at the thought.

She couldn't sleep, she was excited. A new day, a new job, a new life. It was all so exhilarating. She didn't have to deal with the drudgeries of studying ever again and she didn't have to beg her parents for money anymore. She was going to be all on her own. She mentally prepared for her interview tomorrow and still dreaming about her future fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning.

At exactly 10.00 am, she arrived at the stipulated place. It was a huge building and his office was on the 5th floor. She knocked on the door, bracing herself to meet him. It was opened by an immaculately dressed man. He must have been more than 50 years old, bald with a prominent paunch.

"Mr.Sanjay? I'm Prema. We chatted yesterday."

"Ah! yes, come in please. You are punctual I see." He led her inside.

Prema smiled. 'One brownie point' she thought. As they walked in further, she noticed that the office was empty and the place looked unused. Her smile crinkled at the ends.

As if sensing her feeling Sanjay said "We shifted our base from Rahatnagar. This is a new office. We are still setting it up."

That seemed to reassure her, her smile brightened again. She followed him into a large room which she guessed was the conference room. Sanjay offered her a seat and went out of the room to get her something to drink.

Prema looked around and was quite satisfied with the office. 'Looks posh enough, I'll probably get a handsome salary too' she mused.

Sanjay came back with a drink and offered it to Prema, who accepted it politely. She took a sip and asked him if he would be interviewing her soon. He told her to finish her drink and feel comfortable after which he would start with the interview. Prema gulped down her drink and looked up at him eagerly. All of a sudden, she felt light-headed and everything around her seemed hazy. She tried to get up but her knees felt wobbly and she sank back in her chair. Through blurry eyes, her last vision before she completely passed out was that of Sanjay smiling.

***************************************************************************

When Prema came around, she was in pain. She was lying spreadeagled on the conference table, naked from waist down. She saw the blood and cried out both from the realisation of what happened to her and the shooting pain in her groin. Sanjay was nowhere in sight. The office was as empty as it was when she first entered it.

Prema will never forget the ordeal of having to go out of the office building with her clothes stained with blood, the curious onlookers passing crude remarks and snickering behind her back. She was in shock. She walked like a zombie, hired an autorickshaw and went straight home. She bled for three days continously, had nightmares of being raped by her own father. Although shock overrode pain, she thought her life was over, her dreams shattered. Her virginity torn to shreds by a rapist whom she knew nothing about. She contemplated suicide.


****************************************************************************

On the side of the devil..



'Naive' he thought. 'Fresh and young, everything Seema is not. Seema my old hag wife.'

'It is not a crime. These young girls do it all the time. They prefer to lose their virginity to young studs. So why not me??' he argued with himself.

'She won't go to the police. Infact she will be grateful to me for paving the way for more fun."

'I am an old man who can't get as much fun as I want. This is my only chance.
I need.........'

****************************************************************************

8 years later..

"Suicide was on my mind. The trauma lasted for three months. Every single night I would stand up on my bed and think 'tonight I will hang' but my hands would tremble and my heart would beat fast. And when I closed my eyes, I saw my family , my mom beating her chest and wailing out loud, father holding his chest as if suffering a heart attack and my eyes would fly open and I would plop on the bed and cry. I didn't want to sleep, I didn't want those horrible nightmares recurring again to torment me."

"I confronted him on the road one day."

"You have to oblige me or else......" he threatened.

"I don't know what came over me but I said to him, "Or else what??? I am not scared of you! I will go to the police and tell them the truth. Be ready to face the consequences!" my voice quivered with anger and hurt. But I showed him my bravest face. He left and I never heard from him ever again. After that incident, I grew stronger, I gave up thoughts of suicide and decided to give life a chance and see where it would take me."

Neera hugged her. " You are a brave girl and you know that Prema. Don't you?"

"Yes, but if it wasn't for him, I would have been married with children by now Neera. It's my fate and I accept it. If there is one thing I regret, I regret not punching him in the face and scratching his eyeballs out."

"Suppose you got a chance to meet him now, what would you do?" Neera asked.

"He was driven by need, you should hear the devil's side of the story too. Need maketh a man a beast and a beast knows no love. I was a naive victim, more like a fly trapped in a spider's web. A stupid fly that flew on its own accord to land on the spider's web. If only I had used some common sense to not trust a man whom I knew for not more than 12 hours. Alas! Need took over me too. The need for a job.

Since time has healed the monstrosity of that incident, I would.........."

"You would...what?" Neera coaxed.

"Forgive him"

Copyright © 2007 Jyothi Samarthi
All rights reserved.

Subliminal Sorority

I came into Jade’s life when she thought everything was lost. I befriended her when she lost her mother. I was everything she couldn’t be. So I ruled her. She was my slave..but the stupid bitch won't listen to me sometimes...I only wanted her to be happy…

“What’s the big idea Jade? Are you going to be like this all your life?” Jade stared at the ceiling. “I’m your controller Jade. You need ME, without ME, you are null. Who soothed you, when your father whipped you and there was no one to ease the pain? And you refuse to listen to ME sometimes? Remember the hurt you felt every time you went unnoticed, when your father would come home and hug your step-mother and not you? Remember the shame you felt, when you’re father in his drunken stupor stripped you naked and paraded you in the living room much to the amusement of your step-mother? Why? Just because you asked him to buy you a dress for your birthday? “Enough! I don’t want to hear anymore!” Jade yelled at HER.

Ignoring Jade SHE continued, “It was I who made you hurl abuses at your father; it was I who made your voice heard. He won’t come near you anymore and it was MY doing. You don’t need him Jade. Not as much as you need ME. Keep that knife under your pillow Jade. I always tell you, you might have use for it someday. “

“It was your fault your mother died. She died for you. She died because she couldn’t bear the torture your drunken bastard of a father meted out to you. She took the beatings, she took the pain. She couldn’t bear to see you taking it too. Why do you still need him? Listen to me and you will be happy forever. You must kill them both. Kill them!”

“No! I can’t I can’t” Jade screamed clutching at her throat. “Don’t make me do this. I will listen to you. Anything…anything at all. I can’t kill.” Jade pleaded. She felt nauseous. Her head felt heavy. SHE had been there for her at all times since her mother committed suicide by self-immolation. She is grateful to HER for HER company. But she just didn’t like the way SHE spoke. SHE made her do things to forget her sadness. Jade looked at her arm, the puncture marks were fresh. She suddenly felt like she needed a shot. She scrambled in her purse and found it. “Yes! That’s a good girl! You need one now don’t you? You will soon descend into oblivion, you will forget everything around you…..go on do it….feel euphoric…” SHE cajoled.

Jade listened to HER. Sometimes she liked what she heard. Sometimes she let herself be controlled by HER. She bit her lips as the syringe went through her skin and pierced her vein. She threw her head back and felt strange and yet comfortable. “Fuck YOU….Fuck father, fuck that step-whore…fuck this world..” mumbling incoherently she plopped on her bed and closed her eyes.

SHE chuckled. “Good! Now if I can just get you outside..” Jade smiled inadvertently... her eyes were still closed..

Jade administered another shot. She was at HER mercy now. She got up from her bed and stepped outside on wobbly legs. “Girl! For the first time in 16 years of your life, you are not going to regret this…follow ME” Jade heard HER say. “I know what is best for you. You need to listen to ME. You need to get back at your daddy, he fornicated…you must fornicate too. He beat you black and blue, you must rebel and show him who’s in charge. If he brings out his whip, show him your knife.”

Jade wandered aimlessly on the busy street as if in a trance. The bright lights in the road danced around her eyes. Faces of people on the street elongated and looked like aliens. Voices were buzzing in her ears. But she heard HER clearly. So clearly, that she followed HER every command. “Find someone and have sex with him” SHE ordered.

*****************

Jade woke up the next morning. She was in a strange place, someone else’s house and on someone’s bed. Her head ached badly. Holding her head she tried to get out of the bed, .When the bedsheets fell away, she was shocked to find herself nude. Her groin ached, her legs felt weak. She found dried blood on the sheets and some between her thighs. Then it hit her suddenly. She’d lost her virginity to some stranger all because of HER!!! “OH NO!” in a state of panic she frantically looked for her clothes, found them and wore them with trembling fingers. ‘Oh why did I listen to HER!’ she though. A man walked into the room just as she was ready to leave. “Hey honey, where you going? Jeeez ! You were too good last night….shall we…..”

She didn’t wait for him to finish. She ran past him and through the door. Outside she vomited on the street. She closed her eyes. Her head still throbbed. With a heavy heart and heavier legs she walked slowly back home. Once in the confines of her bedroom, she searched for the knife under her pillow and found it. It shined in the morning sunlight and felt cool in her hand. She was going to have use for it tonight just like SHE predicted. “Oh yes! I am going to use it tonight, just as you wanted me to” Jade said aloud.

All day she sat in a corner, weeping and looking at the picture of her mother. If she had been alive, SHE wouldn’t have come into her life. SHE wouldn’t have made her do bad things. “I hate my father!” “I HATE YOU BASTARD!” “ I HATE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE..FOR DRINKING..FOR BEATING ME AND MOM,.. FOR BRINGING THAT GOOD-FOR-NOTHING WHORE INTO THIS HOUSE!!” She screamed at the top of her voice.

“I am an addict mom, a drug-addict, and now I’m not a virgin anymore, I don’t want to bring another me into this world. Oh what have I done..what have I done??! SHE made me do all this..SHE promised me happiness..I am not fit to be your daughter anymore…” Jade cried and cried until she couldn’t cry anymore. ‘But where is SHE? Why isn’t SHE telling me anything?’

“I am here Jade! You have done ME proud. You are now a whore, a drug-addict ..now you must confront your father and kill him…slit the whore’s throat if you have too” SHE was back.! Jade felt bile rising in her throat at the sound of HER voice. “Oh yes, I am going to kill alright, I am going to KILL” Jade had been waiting for just this moment. She raised the knife and plunged it….

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” SHE screamed and then there was silence …

************

The next morning, Jade’s lifeless body was found in a pool of blood by her father. Jade had killed herself………… SHE was dead too..…in Jade’s brain….

************

That is what I made everyone believe… that I am dead. No sirree! no.. I am not dead, I lurk in the subconscious brain of every Jade in this world… there’s one dying every minute now, but I resurface… now where to begin??

Copyright © 2006 Jyothi Samarthi

Innocence Butchered

"Ma! Where are my shoes? I can't find them..." shouted 10- year old Rema who was getting ready for school. She looked at herself in the mirror. Pig-tails in place tied with white ribbons, dimpled chin and pouty lips. She made faces at herself . Rema's mom walked in with her shoes and helped her put it on. Rema was a beautiful child. Her mom was proud of her. She was pretty, intelligent, studious and a gifted singer at her age. The child was always happy and frolicky. Her happiness was contagious. Nothing would deter her from joining competitions and winning prizes.

Her parents had nothing to complain about and doted on her. But for a 10-year old girl, Rema looked well beyond her age. She was tall among her classmates and had a figure of an older girl. She was confused about the changes in her body but slowly got used to them. However she did not understand why she was beginning to look different from her classmates. She was just too embarrased to talk about it with her mother.

One day, she got a call from her cousin Veena. "Rema, my holidays are starting from this saturday. Why don't you come over and stay with me?" Rema was used to staying in Veena's house. She was just a year older than Veena and were best friends besides being cousins. Rema was excited! She loved to stay with Veena. They always played the best games! She replied in affirmative and excitedly ran to her mother to inform her. Her parents always gave way to her requests, because she was such a good child. So they helped her pack her stuff and dropped her at her cousin's on saturday morning. Veena's mom is Rema's mother's cousin hence they were distantly related. Veena's father Sreenu was a grotesque man in his mid 40's. He was a man of few words. He hardly noticed Rema all these years everytime she paid their family a visit. He would sit in his room for hours chewing pan and watching TV. Veena's mother Uma was a cheerful lady and would spend time wth the girls whenever she was free. Veena's father was jobless, they lived off the rent they received from the flats they owned.

That day he noticed Rema playing in the living room with Veena. They were running around and hitting each other with papers. He noticed how Rema was looking older than her age, the way her bust bounced everytime she ran. Something stirred in him..something malicious. The child was unaware of his scrutiny. She pranced around happily. Sreenu couldn't take his eyes off her, she was stirring thoughts in him, thoughts he had locked up ever since the showdown with his wife . He slowly let his hand move down between his legs and touched himself. Uma walked in at that moment and he jerked his hand off. He couldn't afford to get caught, not another time. So he went back to his room and allowed himself to think more about Rema. He felt neither shame nor remorse at his feelings. How can he? This was not new to him.

Rema was old enough to be his daughter. She was only 10 for godsake! But the man was sick. He was so sick, he touched himself thinking about Rema again and again. He had to do something, he wanted release. It was too unbearable for him. Uma had been denying him his needs for many months now, ever since she found child pornography magazines in his draw. She was disgusted with him and endured his presence in the house for the sake of their daughter. But today, she was unaware of Sreenu's lust for Rema. Had she known...

~************~

Sreenu called Veena aside, gave her some money and told her to buy some chocolates and pan from the shop. Rema got up to go with her, "Rema, wait here. Let her buy it, you stay with me." Rema wanted to go, but she had to listen to Sreenu uncle too, so she stayed back. She just sat there on the sofa looking around. "Where is Uma aunty uncle?" She asked innocently, 'Uma aunty was a much better company than this boring Sreenu uncle', she thought. She noticed that he was staring at her but didn't bother about it much. " She's in the kitchen ,shall we go to the terrace? I want to show you something." Rema's curiosity was irked. "what could it be, what could it be, a baby squirrel maybe?' she thought gleefully and agreed to go with him. As they climbed up the stairs, she felt his body brushing against her back one too many times. She was just a child, why would she care? She's used to being hugged by adults.

Once upstairs, Sreenu closed the terrace door and bolted it from outside. Rema was unaware of this, she was running around the terrace looking for nests and baby squirrels. "What is it uncle? Please show me fast." "Turn around and look that side Rema, at that building." Saying this he moved closer to her. Oddly, Sreenu uncle was touching himself there and Rema couldn't understand why. She was not used to seeing adults touching themselves like that outside. Nevertheless she turned around as he asked her to and looked towards the building. Sreenu stood right behind her, pressing himself on her as she stood leaning against the short wall. Rema felt something alien pressing into her back and began to realise that she did not like what was happening. Instinct told her this was not right. All of a sudden Sreenu hugged her, squeezed her bust and grunted. She was shocked! She felt wetness on her back and tried to wiggle out of his grip. "Uncle let me go, I want to go downstairs." she gasped in her tiny voice. She felt tears welling up in her eyes. She thought uncle had peed on her. She felt disgusted and dirty. Finally he let her go, and she ran without looking back.

She unlocked the terrace door, ran downstairs and locked herself up in the bathroom. Rema did not know what happened to her. She pulled her kameez from behind her and found gooey stuff on it. She washed it silently and looked at herself in the mirror. She was dishevelled and red-faced from crying. She was not pretty anymore. She was not going to be happy and frolicky anymore. Something in her died...her innocence had been butchered....

Copyright © 2007 Jo Samarthi . All rights reserved.